The X-Files as Therapy

Wednesday nights were the hardest for me during my divorce. My children’s father had talked me into having the kids sleep over with him every Wednesday, promising to get them to school on time the next day.

I was dubious – and heartbroken. It was disruptive for the kids and me, and I felt lost without them and our normal routines. My youngest was only three.

I had also made the gut-wrenching decision to close my political consulting and lobbying firm, because I needed to stop traveling and find a job with health insurance.

I was grieving the loss of my marriage, my family, my business, and my ideals. It was a heavy load.

To lift my spirits on those lonely Wednesday nights, I would treat myself to dinner at a nearby diner. It was pretty empty mid-week, and sitting in a shiny, pink-vinyl booth, I felt still and safe.

On a television near my booth, I could see reruns of The X-Files, a science-fiction series I had heard about but had not seen.

Perhaps out of desperation to deal with my sadness, I fell headlong into the fictional story of Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, Federal Bureau of Investigation special agents who investigate X-Files: unsolved cases that may involve paranormal phenomena.

This TV show was strangely soothing, maybe because Mulder, Scully, and I were all dealing with life-changing issues out of our control.

So, when a colleague asked me to name a fictional character who best represents my ideal buyer, I had the answer in less than ten seconds: Dana Scully.

Special Agent Scully is a Good Girl who forged her own path. She is whip-smart, highly educated (a medical doctor), and high achieving. She is analytical and believes in evidence-based answers but is open to new ways of thinking.

She is fiercely independent and a bit of a loner but close to her family. She is tough on the outside, warm and caring on the inside.

Scully is honest, direct, and speaks up. Her identity is tied to her work, and she feels fulfilled and proud. She enjoys her work. Sometimes she thinks her work is actually her hobby.

However, under stress, she feels tremendously responsible for people and things she can’t control. She struggles with The Ghost of the Good Girl in every episode. (Does this sound familiar?)

For all these reasons, Special Agent Dana Scully represents my ideal buyer. I know I can help this type of woman business owner achieve more with less stress.

Getting clear on who you want to work with and why you want to work with them is the core element of narrowing your focus.

The clearer you are about your ideal buyer, the more confident you will feel, the better you will communicate, and the more likely your ideal buyer will self-identify as a good fit for you.

Today’s Question:

What fictional character best represents your ideal buyer?

Now What?

As professionals, we pride ourselves on being honest, ethical, and authentic. I have no doubt you are all those things.

If you are like me, you say what you mean, and you mean what you say. Your words and your actions are in sync. You work hard not to let people down, and you consistently operate with integrity. The people around you trust and admire you. You are adept at building trust with others.

The missing link for many women is to trust ourselves. We have amazing powers of intuition and perception – tuning into ourselves and others – but we habitually ignore or rationalize away these strengths.

Following society’s norms, our lives hum along until an event derails us. In my case, it was a surprise divorce, forcing me to close my business and get a job. My whole identity was called into question.

Until we find a new way to move forward, we struggle with doubt, fear, and insecurity. These defining moments bring us to a crossroads – but it’s not the falling down that defines us; it’s how we get back up. That requires trusting ourselves.

Modern business is largely based on the corporate model developed in the early 1900s. It has a top-down hierarchy of leadership, is focused on beating the competition, and was developed by men for men. This model never worked for women in the past, and I would argue it doesn’t work well for women today.

Most of us are products of this model and its frequently toxic work environments. We were taught to suppress our emotions, intuition, and perceptiveness in a business setting.

If the old corporate model is all you know, then you may be repeating that structure in your own business. Worse, you may be suppressing your emotions, intuition, and perceptiveness.

But you need these personal resources to avoid pitfalls and build a successful, rewarding business. As a business owner, you are taking all the risks and reaping all the rewards – in theory.

As I mentioned earlier, women business owners (especially Good Girls) often struggle with “comparitis,” constantly comparing themselves to others. We start to doubt ourselves and lose sight of what we want. Sometimes we’re so used to operating by The Broken Cookie Effect that we are not even sure of the outcomes we want.

We think in generalities: “I wish I had more right-fit clients, more money, better staff, a bigger audience, and a more engaged community.” How can we identify the specific steps to make those wishes come true?

Building and running a business is routinely misunderstood. There is no cookie-cutter approach (pun intended!). Your business is as unique as you are.

When you credit other people’s opinions over your own and follow what you think you “should” do, you start feeling inauthentic. You feel an internal conflict and realize your true beliefs and values are not aligned with what you’re saying. When this happens, your buyers will sense it too.

What is missing? We lack clarity around what we really want, the plan to get there, and the focus and accountability to achieve the outcomes we’ve planned.

-- Excerpt from Patty’s book, Your Hidden Advantage: Unlock the Power to Attract Right-fit Clients and Boost Your Revenue

What fictional character best represents your ideal buyer? The clearer you are about your ideal buyer, the more confident you will feel, the better you will communicate, and the more likely your ideal buyer will self-identify as a good fit for you.

I'd love to hear what you think.  I read and respond to every email personally.