Are You Haunted by The Ghost of the Good Girl?

Does The Good Girl’s Dilemma ever fade away? Although I’d like to think I’m an ex-Good Girl, the reality is I’m a Good Girl with a lot of awareness. I’ve worked hard to forge my own path.

Don’t get me wrong: Being a Good Girl has a lot of upsides and benefits – for you and for those around you. This “goodness” manifests in relationships, school, hobbies, and careers. Good Girls generally follow “the rules” and are kind, caring people.

The downside comes when we trade “wants” for “shoulds.” Often, we’re not clear about what we want. Even if we gain that clarity, asking for what we want is a whole different problem.

Sometimes we’re too busy taking care of everyone else and comparing ourselves to other ___________ (fill in the blank: successful businesswomen, athletes, musicians, mothers, friends, colleagues) to focus on what we really want.

We often worry about what people think of us. We worry about letting anyone down. We worry about keeping everyone happy. We take responsibility for situations that have nothing to do with us.

Many of us worry about multiple issues over which we have no control – and then berate ourselves for not having control!

Even if we’re aware of our people-pleasing, Good Girl tendencies, it’s challenging to change such ingrained thinking and behaviors. For example, even though I’m an accomplished business advisor, I still want everyone to like me and “get” the value I provide for other women business owners without me needing to explicitly tell them.

This “Ghost” of the Good Girl still pops up in my head at unexpected times, whispering in my ear:

• “Should I offer a discount – even though the buyer hasn’t asked for one?”
• “The buyer has asked me a question that I’m not sure how to answer. How do I find the ‘right’ answer?”
• “This seems like a turning point for my business. How do I know I’m making the ‘right’ decision?”

The Ghost of the Good Girl can be compelling and, in some ways, comforting. She has known me all my life and thinks she is being helpful. She means well, even if her thinking is classic Good Girl reasoning that no longer serves me.

Today’s Question:

As an expert in your field, have you ever secretly wondered, “Can I really build a successful business?” As technical experts, we lean toward binary thinking, but life is not an either-or scenario, and neither is business.

Linear thinkers generally get caught up in believing there is “success” and there is “failure,” with nothing in between. Intellectually, we know differently, but it still feels like there are opportunities just outside our grasp that may be keeping us from fully realizing our success.

We’ve been taught there is a “right” way and a “wrong” way to do things. We dread going down the “wrong” path, getting the “wrong” answers, and feeling like a failure – or worse, a fool.

Linear thinkers frequently function better with the language of numbers than they do with words. That is also why jargon and acronyms are so appealing to us. Communicating effectively with words can be challenging.

Linear thinker logic piggybacks on the Good Girl beliefs and sounds like this: “Am I doing this right? There has to be a ‘right’ answer, and it’s my job to find it. Life is like a math problem, and I can solve it.”

But Here’s the Twist . . .

That deeply rooted belief is what I consider The Curse of the Linear Thinker because it keeps us stumped, thinking there is only one “right” answer.

While the “one right answer” approach works for math problems, it doesn’t work for life and business issues. The most successful business owners grasp the power of experimenting with a wide variety of new ideas in their chosen markets.

Linear thinker logic – “there is only one right answer” – is a trap. This is also true when we trade “wants” for “shoulds.” We get caught in a trap that lets The Ghost of the Good Girl pop up without warning.

All that fear, anxiety, and need to keep everyone happy bubbles to the surface, keeping us in reaction mode. It’s a huge challenge for women – and an even wider chasm for Good Girls. This makes running your business harder than you can even admit to yourself.

Now What?

Being a Good Girl may be your nature, much like being an introvert or an extrovert is part of who you are. Your nature and your experiences combine to create the smart, capable person you are today.

While you don’t need to change who you are, you probably want to change the dynamic that may cause you to feel unfulfilled.

My goal is to transform your thinking and help you reimagine how to develop your business with more revenue and less stress.

I’ve done it, and I’ve helped countless women do the same. Since 2006, I’ve guided women business owners to redefine what it means to be powerful and successful on their own terms.

Specifically, I guide them to design a more profitable future for their business by unlocking their Hidden Advantage™.

-- Excerpt from Patty’s book, Your Hidden Advantage: Unlock the Power to Attract Right-fit Clients and Boost Your Revenue

Are You Haunted by The Ghost of the Good Girl? I'd love to hear how this may be affecting you and your business. Simply respond to this email. I read and respond to every email personally.