Fights Between Employees
How to Break Them Up
Employee-to-employee conflicts are tough. The traditional view of management is the top-down view. We are used to solving every problem by bringing a hammer down, sometimes a little hammer, and sometimes a big one.
We have grown up with the fictional idea that we can control our employees’ behavior through rewards and punishments.
When conflict arises between two employees, we can see clearly how limited our power as a manager actually is. Conflict deals with waves rather than the particles we are used to dealing with.
Particles include things like goals, schedules, policies, targets and time frames. We know what to do with particles, there is a form to fill out or someone to call or a software patch to install. Waves are completely different. Culture, feelings, energy, momentum, fear and trust all move in waves, and these are the real drivers for any business!
You are growing new muscles as a manager. You’re learning to see and align with waves, instead of counting and sorting particles!
What has gone wrong between your two battling employees, who we’ll call Dick and Jane?
If Dick and Jane knew how to resolve their issues they would have done it already. They need your help. Sit down with each of them and say “I’d like to help you find common ground with Dick”.
If Dick and Jane cannot acknowledge the obstacle between them, give them a project to work on together and to present to you. If that doesn’t help them collaborate more easily, you’ll say “I’d like to spend time talking about your collaboration and looking at ways to make it easier for both of you.”
Don’t make the Dick-versus-Jane conflict a disciplinary issue. If you do, both Dick and Jane will feign agreement and pretend to be able to work together. You’ll only be putting a band-aid on the problem if you treat it as a performance problem or a disciplinary infraction.
Go the opposite route, and get Dick and Jane talking (separately) about what isn’t working. There will be particular issues that they’ve had disagreements about, but beyond the specific issues there is a communication gap that could spring from different personality types or simply different life experiences.
Here are two exercises that you can use to get Dick and Jane looking at their areas of common interest versus their differences. Ask each of them in separate, private meetings to describe the conflict to you from the other person’s perspective. Ask them to put that opposite perspective in writing. Then, ask them both to meet with you and to share those perspectives.
In your meeting, Jane will describe the conflict from Dick’s perspective, as well as she can. Dick will react to Jane’s observation. Then, Dick will talk about the conflict from Jane’s perspective, trying to put himself in her shoes.
That meeting should help to soften the energy between Dick and Jane.
As you gradually break down the wall between Dick and Jane, give them each a second exercise. Ask each of them to ask the opposite party (in your presence) how they could shift their processes or their communication to enable a better partnership.
Jane will ask Dick how she, Jane, can better support the relationship. Dick will ask Jane the same question. You will facilitate the conversation. Talking about sticky topics like conflict can feel awkward, but there’s no better way to grow your muscles!
All the best to you, Dick and Jane
Source: forbes
Patty Block, President and Founder of The Block Group, established her company to advocate for women-owned businesses, helping them position their companies for strategic growth. Charting the course for impactful, sustainable, profitable businesses, the beacon is control: of your strategic direction, your money, your time, your staffing, and your ability to bring in business. The Block Group brings together the people, resources and ideas that build results.
Advice for women entrepreneurs.
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